Ask the tough questions.  So, recently one of my teen clients got into some unexpected trouble.  And by unexpected I mean they didn’t expect to get caught.  It was obvious that he was guilty; even though mom was making up great excuses for him as well as buying each of the excuses he was providing.  He was busted.  It was a moment where asking the tough questions got the tough answers.  I notice that parenting a teen is a lot like being in a difficult relationship with a partner.  You know how you are sure something bad is going on, but instead of asking you choose NOT to ask almost subconsciously?  Well with a teen you have to ask or the teen will easily avoid.  Interesting it’s almost like a well developed skill each teen possesses.   A teen is able to answer everything and still not provide an honest answer. 

When it feels like you aren’t getting the truth, you aren’t.  When it gets too complicated, it means they are avoiding sharing the true details.  If you ask a question and provide the answer they will take it.  You may walk away happy that it isn’t ‘that’ bad, although you won’t be walking away with the full answer either.  For example, I heard a mom say, “You aren’t spending the night with John, right?”  Well, this is an easy one.  The correct answer is, “Right.”  Of course this isn’t the truth, but it did make mom temporarily happy.  The great thing is that the tough questions are easy and almost staring right at you.  When you talk to your teen, ask the questions until… until you feel you have the whole story; until you understand the details; until you are comfortable.  And then, maybe you will have the tough and truthful answers.  I actually don’t believe your teen wants to lie, so don’t provide a pathway for him to do it.