With divorce rates as high as they are, becoming a step-parent may be something that’s quite likely to happen and yet one is never prepared for.

“Instant family” isn’t instant at all; it takes a great deal of understanding, time, patience and work to be good parents and a great family. 

Many times, a step-parent is not sure what their role will be.  Typically children have a mom and a dad, they are just not living together anymore and a new step-parent has entered the “family”. 

It’s also important to understand that children of different ages will respond differently to the new step-parent.  Older kids, for example, sometimes take a look at what parent provides them with the most freedom, or leaves them alone the most, and side accordingly.

Step-parents should never try to become “the friend”. This can undermine a strict parent.  Also, children shouldn’t ever feel like they are competing for attention with the new step-parent.  Children need reassurance that there will be balance, kid time and adult time. 

It’s quite helpful to seek counseling prior to becoming a step-parent.  Understand your needs and the needs of the family and what you anticipate your role to be in this new family.  The most successful transitions happen when a step-parent brings a new, positive component or traditions to an existing family.  Never replace what they used to do, but add something wonderful.  Everyone wins. 

Kids have seen what divorce looks like and they have certainly lived through it.  Show them a happy healthy team, show them a positive, loving marriage…that’s a tremendous gift for children.

For More Information Contact

Dr. Linda Nishi-Strattner
Child Psychologist
503-620-0157