The reality is that teens communicate in a language that may be foreign to many of us adults.  The following guidelines may assist in breaking down the barrier that has been built between the two of you.  At least give it a try!

Kick up the speed of your conversation:

-          Keep it short and simple; consider what you want to say and then say ½ of it.  Teens have a very short attention span especially if it think it sounds like a lecture!

-          Create a conversation; don’t deliver a lecture.  Ask open-ended questions which encourage your teen to speak with you and not force you to speak at them. 

-          Make the majority of your interactions positive; don’t focus on the negative.

If you recognize that the two of you are often talking AFTER a problem instead of after something good has happened, make an effort to change this behavior. 

Take notice of the amount of time the two of you are talking and make every day discussions about ‘good stuff’ as well as disciplinary items.

-          Take advantage of ‘Windshield Time’.  When the two of you are driving and both looking straight ahead, you may learn more about your teen then at any other time.  A teen’s filter is off when he/she is multi-tasking.  Driving in the car is less threatening and may offer a safe feeling for your teen.

Speak their language:

-          Accept that text messaging, online chat, and cell phones are the way they “talk”.   In a recent survey, 35% of teens stated that human interaction wasn’t necessary to communicate.  It may sound crazy, but it is the world they are comfortable in.  If you feel like text messaging is a foreign language, then start studying! 

Your teen will probably welcome an opportunity to teach you something.  Take advantage of it!

-          Learn to text!  Your teen will respond to a text even if it’s a situation where he may not answer your phone call.  Consider that when your teen is out at a party, he/she may not want to answer their phone but a text from Mom can easily be answered.  It takes away the excuse of ‘I didn’t hear my phone.’  Just remind them to put their phone on vibrate and all the excuses are quickly cleared up! 

-          Don’t feel offended & set expectations.  Teens aren’t offended when other teens text and talk, so it seems odd to a teen that it may annoy you.  In reality, it may drive you nuts!  If this is the case, set some basic expectations.  Such as:  During a serious conversation, please don’t answer the phone.  Or, No texting at the dinner table. 

Begin using the above tips and start communicating with your teen!